Zyban

After about three and a half weeks of taking Zyban - I think I was about half a dozen tablets into my second prescription - I had what seems to have been an allergic reaction.

I found I was getting an almost constant itching in my hands and feet. It was quite infuriating. It felt fairly deep, so I couldn't scratch it. It was really hard to get to sleep, that's for sure. I didn't associate this with the Zyban at first, since it started on the very first Spring-like day we'd had for ages, and I put it down to a hayfever-like reaction. I don't usually get anything that severe, but it has happened once or twice before.

When it didn't stop after a day or two, I did some research and found it sounded like a possible Zyban reaction. I stopped taking it for a day, and everything cleared up. I didn't resume the course at the time. I had no ill effects that I noticed from stopping the Zyban.

I did, however, not quite manage to quit smoking. I'm greatly reduced, but not quite off. I'm pissed off at myself over that. I could have made it, I'm sure, but once I lost my Zyban, I think it killed my confidence that I could do it, as much as anything.

In the last week, I've started taking Zyban again. I'm watching myself very closely for any reactions, and will try to stop smoking completely as soon as I feel able to. I plan to discontinue the Zyban as early as possible once I've managed to do five or six days without a cigarette.

After three days, Zyban stopped being interesting. It's now starting to do something, though. I really don't need to smoke. It's bizarre. I just woke up the other morning, and didn't feel like dashing outside for the morning cigarette. I want to have one every now and then, especially at work, since it's my break from talking to customers, but I really can just not do it.

Having one after not smoking for a while doesn't send me off into headspin-land, either. This is freaky. Cool, but still freaky.

The rest of yesterday was pretty uneventful. No more of the mental "fuzziness" that I had on the first day, which was nice. Just felt like my normal self, only fairly tired. I curled up in bed to read Eris some stories yesterday afternoon, and ended up falling asleep for an hour or so.

I did sleep a little better last night, but that may be due to me taking my tablet a lot earlier than I had the day before. Tomorrow, I go to two tablets a day, so one will be in the evening. If my sleep gets screwy again, it's almost certainly the reason.

So far, out of the list of "commonly reported side-effects" ...

• Headache; yes, but nothing severe enough to warrant aspirin or anything


• Difficulty sleeping; this would be a big "yes"


• Dry mouth; yes, again, but no big deal


• Upset stomach; a little on the first day, nothing much since

I think I'm getting off lightly. The dosage doubles tomorrow, and I'll report back on that.

I had a completely terrible night's sleep. I woke up frequently, and had incredibly vivid dreams. Many of my dreams involved being late for work, and one of them had something to do with smuggling a packet of stolen diamonds into Germany. The long journey I took in order to smuggle these diamonds also made me late for work. There's some sort of pattern there.

I'm taking my next tablet now.

I've decided to keep a fairly detailed journal over the course of taking Zyban, so here's some details on how we're going so far.

I'm not sure how I should or shouldn't be feeling right now, but I'm certainly in a bit of an odd headspace. I know I only just took the first tablet of the course a few hours ago, but I've been feeling quite detached, or maybe "out of focus" since then. I'm feeling a little nauseous, and I have nothing resembling an appetite, but I did have a pretty large lunch.

Some of this is almost certainly due to not getting much sleep last night. Early to bed this evening, I think, and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Well, I just took my first Zyban tablet. Maybe this time, I'll actually stop smoking without tearing anyone's head off or crumbling under the strain at the last minute.

Optimism is high. If I can just kick it again, I can possibly avoid the stupidity that got me back on the fucking things after quitting last time. Fingers are crossed.